Dear hockey gods,
We are sorry. So, so sorry.
We aren’t sure if this is because our arena is possibly haunted or we let last season’s playoff appearance get to our heads or if this is punishment for signing the last RFA “holdout” of the year. Whatever we did to offend you, we are truly sorry.
But, I mean….Come. On. When is enough going to be enough?
Guys aren’t just getting seriously injured in games (Arty, Cam, Foligno, McElhinney, Calvert, Wiz) or in preseason camp (Dubinsky) but you’re taking out guys in practice – practice?! (Bobrovsky, Jenner) – and preventing full recoveries (Murray, Horton). What’s the deal? Why can’t we have nice things?? Please!
You have now taken out six of our top nine forwards – Jenner, Horton, Dubinsky, Anisimov, Calvert, Foligno (Atkinson even missed a game after nearly losing his eye), our best offensive defenseman, and our Vezina-winning goalie. Move on to another team. Please. We will do whatever you ask of us. What can we do to correct our offenses that have led to this?
If you would, please send instructions on what we must do via the First Energy blimp during Friday’s game. We will heed your call so that you may move on to another team. I mean, we have the All-Star Game coming here in less than three months. Please stop picking on us, we beg of you.
Whatever it is we have done to offend you, we offer up our sincerest apologies. We are more than ready to right our wrongs.
We eagerly await your instructions on Friday.
Sincerely,
Blue Jackets Fans Everywhere