We’ve all been watching the same Blue Jackets season, right? So we all know it’s time for some fundamental flip-ups in the team and coaching staff. I wrote a defense of John Tortorella a month ago today, and I stand by it – I don’t think he should be ousted in the middle of the season. I do believe, however, that it’s time to start considering other head coaches for next season.
So who would those candidates be? I took the liberty of writing out a couple of job descriptions for multiple roles the team is seeking, so if you know anybody who fits this bill, direct them to Jarmo.
Columbus Blue Jackets
Head Coach
Job Type: Full time
Job Function: Coach the CBJ in a manner that doesn’t create undue stress in fans.
Industry: National Hockey League
Size: 23-player active roster
Salary: $2.5 million per year
Position Overview:
- Will work closely with the actual players on the team, not an idealized delusion of which players are on the team or an antiquated fantasy of which players used to be on the team.
- Will be expected to actually answer post-game questions from journalists – vague half answers will be tolerated but not appreciated, and will affect overall job performance.
- The ideal candidate is a self-motivated team player who takes the time to get to know all of the players, not just his top five favorites./
Columbus Blue Jackets
Power Play Coach
Job Type: Full time
Job Function: Execute successful power plays that don’t drive fans to drink.
Industry: National Hockey League
Size: 23-player active roster
Salary: Too damn much
Position Overview:
- Will work closely with the players who are capable of executing a successful power play and coach them into being able to score goals on power plays in games.
- That’s it, that’s all we want./
Columbus Blue Jackets
Player: Center
Job Type: Full time
Job Function: No. 1 Center
Industry: National Hockey League
Size: 23-player active roster
Salary: Negotiable but a lot
Position Overview:
- Basically, just be Pierre-Luc Dubois.
- Previous qualifications were that center experience was preferred but not required. Current qualifications are that center experience is mandatory./
Who are the best candidates for these roles? Sound off in the comments!