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Cannon Conversations: The Columbus Blue Jackets need a cheesy 80s song to rally behind

The Blues had “Gloria.” What should we use for our inevitable Stanley Cup run?

St. Louis Blues v Columbus Blue Jackets

The St Louis Blues won the Stanley Cup recently. You might have heard about it. Fans of the team embraced a cheesy song called “Gloria” as their team found its way to glory. You might have heard about that one, too.

This sparked a discussion among the Cannon staff: what song should the Jackets use for their next Cup run?

Here are our submissions.

Elaine Shircliff

The Jackets need a song that shows fans they are in it to win it. A song that will get all of us amped when it comes on.

The kind of song that shows they are not strangers to the love of hockey and they know all the rules. At least better than the refs. A full commitment is what I’m thinking of. Something you wouldn’t get from any other team.

We just need them to tell us how they’re feeling.

They gotta make us understand.

They are never gonna give us up.
Never gonna let us down
Never gonna run around and desert us
Never gonna make us cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt us.

Haha! Yea buddy! You’ve just been Rick Rolled.

This started out as a joke. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense to be the rally cry of the team. The Jackets are often looked at as the annoying little brother of the league. What better way to annoy the crap out of our enemies than to constantly play this song.

It’s an ear worm for sure. People get frustrated when they hear the chorus on repeat and can’t get it out of their head.

Now, Penguins fans will be annoyed and think of their mortal enemies. The Jackets, every single time.

It’s perfect.


Folks. There’s only one answer for this.

Look at what made “Gloria” so popular. It was a catchy song everyone has heard a hundred times in their lives and yet, somehow, no one knows the words to the verses. It has a chorus tailor made for drunk and happy fans to shout loudly off key as the team celebrates victory after victory before mumbling back into their drinks during the verses.

You need a song that is emblematic of the team’s march to the Stanley Cup. One that encompasses the mindset of the town. To describe how the team will never break their stride, how nothing will ever slow them down.

Pale Dragon

This is going to be long, but I don’t care. Include all of it:

First of all, in this house we only recognize one “Gloria” and it’s by Van Morrison:

When this topic came up on Wednesday night, I suggested “Neutron Dance” by the Pointer Sisters. It was popular in Columbus in the 80s and 90s thanks to the Ohio State Marching Band and superfan Orlas King, aka “The Neutron Man.” But then I realized that was too derivative of OSU and the Jackets should do their own thing.

Therefore my suggestion is a different 80s song about a woman with a three syllable name: “Valerie” by Steven Winwood.

I celebrate Winwood’s entire catalog, from his teenage years singing “Gimme Some Lovin’” with the Spencer Davis Group, through his drug-addled psychadelic blues with Traffic and Blind Faith, to his unlikely second life as a synth-driven pop star. I normally hate that distinctly 80s pop sound, but for some reason on this one it just works.

Bonus: David Savard’s wife is named Valerie, so if we need some connection to the team, there it is.

Dan P.

Here’s my 80’s song submission:

“Just Like Heaven” by The Cure

This is pretty simple: winning hockey games feels just like heaven. Everyone knows this song, even if they don’t know the name of it: the second that descending guitar riff kicks in, everyone with a pulse says, “Hey, I know THIS song!” and bops their head. It’s a great song to bounce around to after a win; it’s that guilty pleasure song you dance to in your living room when no one’s watching. Plus, on some level, it would mortify Robert Smith, whose general depression and melancholy is the stuff of legend. I mean, check out this (actually pretty good) cover of this song by the band AFI and watch how physically uncomfortable Smith looks each time they cut to him:

So, to sum up, everybody knows this song, everybody can dance to it, and it would create some Michael-Scott-level awkwardness for Robert Smith. Win, win, win. Just like heaven.

Ryan Real

I missed this initial thread, but when Seeds suggested it, my first thought was “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” by Starship. It’s over-the-top cheesy, is a legitimate banger and nearly every single lyric can be applied to the Blue Jackets. Especially if they sign Matt Duchene; “I’m so glad I found you, I’m not gonna lose you, whatever it takes I will stay here with you?” That’s totally Jarmo to Duchene.

Upon further thought, I’m severely torn between also nominating “You’re the Voice” by John Farnham. Meets the same criteria and would be great to hear people sing together. It was part of the funniest scenes in recent movie history, as well:

(I also know “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” was used in a great lip-sync scene in “The Skeleton Twins.” The 80s are here to stay, I guess.)

Will Chase

The above is good by me and I have nothing much to add except I heard Prince randomly the other day and these always stick out.

There you have it - our nominations for the Jackets cheesy 80s song!

Let’s hear your below!